Finding beauty in the mess.

‘Messy! Messy…Mum, see messy!’ she calls out as she is sipping on her daddy’s hot choc.

The smile that followed was worth every bit of mess! There was so much joy. 

She was proud of herself. Firstly, because for the first time she was able to drink out of a mug, and secondly I didn’t stop her from making a mess.

Suffice to say, daddy on the other hand had his wipes ready!

What was different this time?

I sat back.

I allowed her to enjoy the drink, and the mess, and didn’t get my hands in there to clean up while she was getting all messed up!

She finished when she did, and then we cleaned her face up!

Isn’t life sometimes like that?

Life is messy, there’s no doubt about that. If you are breathing and living, there will be mess. Relationships, hurt, disappointments, ill health; we all find ourselves in some mess or the other at some point in our lives.

Are we jumping right in to clean up? Are we constantly looking at others to clean up our mess for us? Who are we looking to, to help us clean up? 

Just as I was taking my phone out to get a picture of her and her cute messy face, this thought came to mind.

Mess. Can we see the beauty in that mess? Are we stopping to capture that beauty? I can assure you that was not what I was doing while I found myself going through a recent trial.

Only a few months ago, I found myself in this very messy place of life with my mental health. That’s a long story and I will share it at some point in another post. But for now, let me just tell you friend, that it wasn’t a nice place. I have never been there before. I don’t even know how I got there? How did I just slip into it? I was in a good place one day and woke up feeling awful the next, and it went on for days. I just couldn’t understand?

Living with a chronic illness has made me realise how fragile life is. If you live with a chronic illness, I want to send you a heartfelt hug. Because I know how hard it is!

But even without that, life is messy! 

I remember when I was in the pits of my struggle, I looked for others to jump in and help me. And don’t get me wrong, that is a good thing. If you need medical attention, then please do seek it! There is no shame in doing that, if anything you are doing yourself a favour. But I was looking at my husband and my friends to understand me, to GET ME! But they couldn’t. They tried. But they simply couldn’t. And I got angry. And I was disappointed! Very upset. 

In those few days of darkness, I didn’t want to pray. I was looking for external things to help me get out of this place. Self pity and self doubt kept me company for a few days.

I knew I was in a messy place and didn’t want to be there. Time was slow. I wanted out. I spoke about it in a negative way. I wasn’t speaking life into myself.

But God already knew what I was going through. He knew where I was. He knew exactly what I felt. 

Till one day…

In the quiet… I found the one thing I needed most…to come back to HIM. I needed time in prayer. I needed to allow Him back into my soul and to remember and experience His grace.

I needed more than anything His hand of Grace.

My head couldn’t trust that He was with me. My head could not believe that He would get me out of this. 

I wept. I waited on His grace. And it was there. I only needed to ask. I only needed to still my mind to see His grace already working in it’s own gentleness. 

I was so overwhelmed by the mess I was in, I wasn’t even listening to His voice. I wanted out, and quickly. 

But His grace is gentle and always with us. He takes us through these moments with gentleness, so we experience His love and grace through it.

I share this with you to encourage you my dear friends. Life will get messy. But His love and mercy will always uplift. The enemy will try to distract you from seeing His grace in your life, but in the messiness of life, I pray you see His grace in it. I pray you find Him in that place. He won’t rush the way, He may not clear it in your time frame, but He will show you the beauty of His embrace in that place where you only see mess. Because in the mess, there is Him. And in Him, there is beauty to be found.

Being in the mess isn’t beautiful. But His grace in that mess is beauty. And if only I could stop and see that beauty of His grace, my heart would know His heart for me. And I hope the same for you.

Don’t loose heart…

with love, Monica xx

Monica is a mother of two, a wife, a doctor and a life coach who is passionate about seeing women in meaningful community with one another, pursuing God and the purpose he’s instilled in them. 

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