When I found my value
‘I am not good enough because I am a stay home mum, I don’t go out to work, and really what value do I bring to the home.’
This is one thing I remember feeling after I had my first child. Once all those newborn feels wore off at about that six month mark, and when I was getting more sleep deprived and exhausted, family and friends moved on with their lives, I started questioning my next move. Should I go back to work? Should I stay at home? If I don’t work, then I am not earning, which means I’ll be living off my husbands income…etc etc etc!
Oh goodness. I remember having that whole conversation in my head on multiple occasions. And guess what? I went back to work once she turned 10 months. Why? If I’m honest? I probably went back partially for my sanity, but more than that it was because my work was where I found my value. I felt people valued me more if I told them I was a working mum! A working doctor mum! ‘GASP!!!’
But that’s the reality of it!….
I was brought up in a family where education was valued. And I am appreciative of that all the opportunities I have been given. But the expectations placed on women in todays society; to have a family, raise our kids well, have a paying job and living happily, was simply all too much. Our values as mums are often placed in us doing all of this and doing it well! We are made to feel ‘not good enough’ if we can’t do it all, and thats simply setting us up to fail.
After struggling with this for many years, I came to a point of burnout. I was exhausted most of the time. I was getting easily frustrated, and life was just more strenuous than joyful.
This was where my breakthrough came. One day as I sat in prayer, I was praying for direction and wisdom in my career. The one word He put in my heart was this; IDOL.
As I studied the Word a little deeper, I realised what the problem was! I was idolising my self worth. I placed being valued so high in life, that I was doing whatever it was that helped me feel valued. I was working the hours I wasn’t happy doing, but was placing value based on how much I could push myself to do. I was working a job I wasn’t happy with, simply because I felt I would be judged if I left the job. I stayed in a job where I felt no joy, because I didn’t want people to look at me and place my value any lower.
I simply had to stop. I had to shift. I had to stop pleasing others.
‘Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?; (Matt 6:26 NIV)
If He values the birds in the air, how much more would He value me! Despite all that I have done in the past, despite all the times I have fallen short, He still values me.
This scripture was my saving grace. To know that He who created me, saw me as an individual, so loved for all my flaws, was a revelation my heart had to embrace. It wasn’t an easy journey to feel valued and see myself valuable, it was a journey I had to go on.
Today I find myself with two little girls, and the topic of self worth and value is certainly one that we speak about a lot around the dining table. Our daughters need to know that their value is not to be placed on what we do in life, or the roles we play; but instead we need to point them to the cross! That is where her value is to be found. That is where she needs to go on bended knees when she feels burdened, let down, or defeated.
We need to only point them, to the Cross.
Your value is not based on what you do; it is based on what He has done for you.
If you are struggling with this very issue today, I pray that you come before Him, and see your value in Him. We have all sinned and fallen short of His glory, but He who loves us so much, died for us on that Cross. My heart prays that you find value in Him.
with love, Monica xx
Monica is a mother of two, a wife, a doctor and a life coach who is passionate about seeing women in meaningful community with one another, pursuing God and the purpose he’s instilled in them.
Copyright 2018 (c) About Her